Sunday, October 15, 2006

This post contains NO knitting. Hope you can handle a Mom post. :)

So far, I have taken a very pragmatic and sensible approach to my mom’s bout with cancer and her impending death. But at the same time, I still wonder why. Why my family? Why are we having to go through this at this time? I have lived a pretty charmed life. I have never experienced the death of a close loved one. In fact, I often joked with my mom and dad that I was laying down the law that they were to never die. A few weeks ago, it hit me that this is not the last time I will be dealing with this. Not only in my life, but in the lives of everyone around me. That thought actually made this whole ordeal a little bit easier. To see it as the cycle of life. Maybe that’s why I am going through this. To be able to offer support as we grow older and people in our lives start to pass away. Noone can understand what this is like unless they have been through a similar situation. I don’t know what the true reason is and I may never know. But the thought that maybe I can help someone I love get through this horrible experience…it just makes it a little bit easier.


chauntel said...

The answer is that there is no reason. Like you said, it's a part of life. In my opinion God doesn't just sit up there & say 'okay, now your mom gets cancer, hahaha, deal with it'. Life happens too. God planned it & made the world the way it is. It works out sweetly for some & not so sweetly for others. But honestly, would you feel any better if it had been a horrible accident that took her one day without you getting to say goodbye and have the closest few months of your life with your mom? I guess what I am trying to say is that there is no reason, life is life & we all get to die.
But you are doing a damn good job at taking the positive out of it. I guess I just want you to see that we don't have to dread all of our close family & friends dying. They really do have the choice of going to a better place. Your mom has made that choice and will live in true happiness (that we cannot even begin to imagine) for all eternity. Now that is a happy thought!
btw, pretty bold of me to attack this in a comment, huh?

tellen said...

I always used to dread the thought of death. Especially the death of the people I love. But this whole experience has taught me (so far) that death isn't the end to everything. And maybe my experience will help someone else who is having trouble accepting death. I am not looking for an answer to the "why?" question. I know there isn't one. But sitting here, watching my mom, the thought that I can help someone else through this...makes it a little easier. :)

Montana said...

I'm glad to read that it sounds like you're hanging in there through all this. I think can be pretty overwhelming (or rather, completely emotionally consuming) to have a loved one that's going through what your mom is. Your strength to cope with all this is really awesome. And I agree, the idea of being able to help a loved one get through a time like this is very motivating.

The Frog said...

I'm moved to tears. You are a beautiful legacy. I know that your mother loves you and is proud of you. What more could we ever want or ask for? What greater experience is there really? And now you get to pass that on to someone, or several someones - and that is a blessing for us all.


Fancy said...

You are doing great throughout this difficult time...just know that you have a great deal of support if/when you need it. Take care of yourself.

Marieke said...

Wow, I am totally crying and I barely know you at this point...and I RARELY cry.

It sounds like you have a close relationship with your mom and that is SUCH a huge blessing! Seriously.

I lived with my grandmother until one month before she passed away and I had the unfortunate experience of seeing the nasty side of both my grandma and some other relatives and it made it all the more painful to see her die (she was the first person close to me to pass away).

Cherish each moment, as I know you will.

My prayers are with you and your family!